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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948993">shiny happy fits of rage</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sticksandmudsoup/pseuds/sticksandmudsoup'>sticksandmudsoup</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Friendship, Gay, Mutual Pining, Weed, basically the show but its more slice of life with angst, doesn't really have a plot, slight angst (????)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:08:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sticksandmudsoup/pseuds/sticksandmudsoup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Syd deals with the relationships in her life as well as her own identity with the help of friends Stan and Dina</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sydney Novak/Dina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>118</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Syd was lying on Stan's bedroom floor. High. Stan was talking about something, she wasn't quite sure what, she was deep in thought. She always did deep thinking whilst she was high. It was the only time she could think about everything and anything without being mad. She felt like she was in the sky. </p><p>"...but he still wants to buy from someone else, whatever happened to keeping it in the family-" </p><p>"Wh…what are you talking about?" </p><p>"My cousin, he got a new dealer, not important, you weren't listening anyway, what's wrong."</p><p>"I'm thinking."</p><p>"I know that, thinking about what?" </p><p>Dina. It didn't come as a surprise she was always thinking of Dina. Today wasn't happy thoughts though, she did something stupid yesterday. </p><p>"Dina. I did something stupid yesterday."</p><p>"You can tell me."</p><p>Could she? She trusted Stan, more than anyone else, as pathetic as that may sound. She wondered if things would get awkward. They never used to be a thing, but they had sex once and she almost went to homecoming with him. </p><p>"I kissed Dina."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"And not like the way girls kiss each other for no reason, I kissed her because I really, really wanted to kiss her ."</p><p>Stan was silent. He wasn't often silent. She didn't worry about it too much, Stan, good ol Stan. He didn't mind much about Syd, he didn't mind her thigh zits, or the fact she smoked all his weed, even when she was a dick, Stan didn't mind all too much. </p><p>"Okay, well, did she react badly?" </p><p>"No. I just left, she didn't want me to kiss her though, ugh, she probably thinks I'm a creep."</p><p>She probably did. She definitely did. They weren't drunk or high, they were just laying in her bed talking. Then Syd kissed her. Why, why, why, why, why did she do that. </p><p>"Syd let's do something, to get your mind off kissing Dina."</p><p>"You wanna smoke again."</p><p>Stand hopped up off the floor, Syd adjusted herself into a sitting position to look at him. He looked pumped. </p><p>"No, you need something real, you need to have fun, we should do something fun."</p><p>She let out a breathless laugh. "Laying on the floor in your room, listening to Bloodwitch and getting high isn't fun?" </p><p>Stan wasn't paying attention to what Syd was saying. He was already kicking on his shoes and throwing on a sweater. He snatched up his car keys up from his dresser then walked over and pulled her up on her feet.</p><p>"We're going to go to something fun," As he dragged her out the door he was smiling. "This is gonna be epic."</p><p> </p><p>Stan drove them to the bridge. He parked off the side on the grass and got out the car. Syd followed him because she didn't know what else to do. He walked down the hill leading to the riverbank. Walked would probably be the wrong word to use, he galloped. Hills made you gallop.</p><p>She galloped down after him. It was a little cold by the river, it was just beginning to get cold out as it rolled into November. She liked the cold, she breathed in deeply and felt the cold hair hit the back of her throat. </p><p>Next to her Stan nodded pleased with himself as they stood at the bank. </p><p>"This is perfect Sydney." He said before starting to strip off his clothes. </p><p>Stan did a lot of weird things. Syd usually just gave him a look. She gave him a look now as he took off his shoes and socks. He was standing in his underwear before she knew it. She just gave him a look. </p><p>"Stan. What are you doing?" </p><p>"We're going to swim Sydney, don't worry I'll be a gentleman and turn around, although I would like to point out I gave you an entire show just now."</p><p>He turned around like he said he would. Syd guessed he was waiting for her to take off her clothes. She debated it. She could see his back acne and goosebumps along his back, he was pale. She sighed and began to take off her clothes as well. Because why not. Her life was already fucked enough, why not swim with Stanley Barber in freezing cold water. Why not?</p><p>After she was done Stan turned to look at her and nodded. </p><p>"We're water ready, let's head out Sydney."</p><p>He made an attempt at a graceful dive but it turned into a belly flop. He got up from the water sputtering and in pain. Syd smiled, because he was just so dumb. It was an act of endearment really, whenever she laughed at him or made fun of him. She walked into the water til she was next to Stan, knee deep. She could feel the mud at the bottom, with some stones. It was really fucking cold. </p><p>"So, what do we do now?"</p><p>"I could splash you."</p><p>"Stan. No."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Stan I swear if you-" </p><p>He splashed her. </p><p>It was freezing. She flinched and turned to him with a glare. </p><p>"Ay, ay, this is supposed to be fun don't get mad, splash me back."</p><p>She locked her anger away and put her hand in the freezing water and splashed Stan. He smiled. </p><p>"We're making great progress."</p><p>They took turns splashing one another back and forth. Until Stan splashed her with a great amount of water, making her surge towards him and shove him into the water. </p><p>When he didn't come back up Syd assumed he was just joshing her, instead she felt him grab her ankle and yank her into the water. </p><p>She gasped and came up sputtering and coughing along with Stan, who looked at her with a smile. </p><p>"Asshole!" She shouted angrily.</p><p>She looked to see him laughing and wiping his nose, then he washed his hands off in the water. She shook her head at him. She couldn't help but laugh. </p><p>"You're fucking disgusting." She said. </p><p>He laughed, and snorted. The snort made Syd laugh more. Now they were just two teens, soaked and knee deep in cold water, looking at each other laughing. </p><p>"Let's get out, Sydney, before we catch hypothermia."</p><p>They were wet and couldn't put their clothes on so instead they went up to his car and laid down on the hood in their underwear. It was cold. She didn't mind. </p><p>"You're something else Stan."</p><p>"I try Sydney, I try."</p><p>They didn't talk for a while. With Stan the silence wasn't so awkward. It was okay. Stan understood sometimes she just wanted to think. Stan was the only person in the world that understood her in the slightest. </p><p>"Syd, can I ask you a question, well, questions."</p><p>"About?"</p><p>"If you don't mind, I wanted to talk about that night, at my house."</p><p>She did mind. It made her slightly uncomfortable. Only slightly. She didn't like Stan in that way and had no want to have sex with him again. But she knew he knew that, so she said yes, he could ask. </p><p>"Awesome, Syd, I trust you, more than anyone, tell me, how was it?" </p><p>She was silent. It was awkward. </p><p>"Like, how was I?" </p><p>He was sweaty. </p><p>"You don't have to answer if you don't wanna."</p><p>"It was awkward, and you were sweaty."</p><p>"Oh, wow, okay."</p><p>They were silent again. Syd maybe thought she hurt his feelings. She turned to look and he was just staring at the sky. She couldn't like him the way he wanted her to, she felt kind of bad about it. Only because he was her friend. </p><p>"Anything you wanna do Stan?" </p><p>"Let's get high Novak."</p><p>Syd cringed, laughing. "Don't call me Novak."</p><p>Stan went in the car where they put their clothes, so he could grab a joint from his jacket. They laid on the hood of his car in their underwear smoking weed. Stan talked some more about jellyfish because for some reason he really fucking liked jellyfish. Syd talked about turtles, because Banana died and Goob wanted a turtle. </p><p>"Like, the ninja turtles?" </p><p>"Goob doesn't like the ninja turtles, he thinks it's animal abuse or some shit."</p><p>"I gotta get high with your brother, he seems intuitive."</p><p>She laughed and shoved him. "Shut the fuck up Barber." </p><p>"Gross, don't ever call me that again Syd, please."</p><p>It was getting dark and they were drying up. So they put their clothes back on and Stan drove them home. Syd vaguely wondered if she smelt like weed. Her mom would be home today, it was her day off. It was pretty late though, so maybe she was sleeping. </p><p>Stan parked in his driveway and walked Syd to her door. </p><p>She looked into his eyes. "Do I look high?" </p><p>"No, do I?" </p><p>"You always look high Stan."</p><p>He nodded. "Goodnight Sydney."</p><p>"Nighty night, Stan." </p><p>Her mom was awake. She asked Syd where she had been.</p><p>"With Stan."</p><p>"The boy from down the street?" </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Don't get pregnant." </p><p>Syd rolled her eyes. "Gross."</p><p>"That's what your saying now, have we had the talk Syd, do we need to-" </p><p>"I'm tired and I know how sex works so I'm going to sleep."</p><p>Her mom waved her off and Syd went to her room and kicked all her stuff off. She got into her pajamas and began to write in her diary. Yesterday she wrote about Dina, today she wrote about Stan and the river and how she didn't think about Dina so much and how she didn't like that. </p><p>Then she laid down, she fell asleep almost immediately. She dreamt about turtles and how she could obtain one. She dreamy about Stan and Dina.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Monday. Syd really didn't want to go back to school. She's never wanted to stay home more than today. She wasn't ready to face Dina.</p><p>"Ugh."</p><p>"Sydney, get up, come on."</p><p>She looked at her mom. "Can I please stay home today, please?" </p><p>Her mom looked at her with a scrunched brow. "Why, you can't just skip school for no reason." </p><p>She couldn't lie. Her mom knew she wasn't sick, and she didn't want to lie anyway. Maybe if she told her the truth she would let her stay home. </p><p>"Dina and I had a fight and I don't want to see her."</p><p>Her mom sighed. "Syd, you can't skip for a reason like that, just ignore her."</p><p>Her mom began to walk out of the room but Syd got up after her. </p><p>"Please, I'll clean the house, or go grocery shopping, I just don't want to go."</p><p>Her mom gave her a look. Their relationship seemed to be going more smoothly since they had a talk about her dad. Their conversations were more civil, and Syd tried not to get snarky. She was trying to work on herself. Maybe. That sounded kind of lame. </p><p>"Okay, you'll clean the house, I want it spotless, and you need to pick up Liam after school, I'm working late so make dinner okay?" </p><p>She smiled at her mom. "Thanks mom, I'll be sure to do it all."</p><p>"Okay, Liam come on you're going to be late!" </p><p>After they left Syd ate some toast and watched cartoons. She didn't feel tired, she didn't want to clean right away either. She should probably go see Stan so he knows she's not going to school, he's been giving her rides. </p><p>She opened the door to see Stan across the street already heading to his car. She walked over to him before realizing she was still in her pajamas. </p><p>He looked her up and down. "You might want to go change, they'll definitely dress code you."</p><p>"I'm not going today, just thought you should know."</p><p>He nodded. "Playing hooky, I like your style, what's on the agenda today, crime, sleep, or both?" </p><p>"I'll be playing house the entire day, cleaning and scrubbing my life away."</p><p>He smiled. "Well we'll miss you at school, I hope you know this isn't going to chase away your Dina problem." </p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Have a good time at school, fuckface."</p><p>"Ooh, that's a new one, bye bye Sydney."</p><p> </p><p>She got back and groaned before getting to her cleaning activities. She scrubbed and sweeped and mopped til her back was sore. It smelt like the cleaning aisles in department stores after she was done with the place. </p><p>She struggled with what to do until she went to get Goob. She decided to listen to Bloodwitch and strum along with her guitar as if she knew how to actually play. She kind of wanted to be high, but Stan was right about how she needed to find other ways to occupy her mind. </p><p>So she went on a walk. She walked all over town. She walked on the railroad tracks, the bridge, around the neighborhoods, through parks. She got to the town and peeked into the diner. She saw her mom talking to customers and smiling. She and her mom looked nothing alike, she looked like her dad, Goob was a good mixture of the two. </p><p>Syd sighed and continued walking. She walked past the bowling alley and vaguely wondered if Stan was working today. </p><p>Eventually it was time to go ahead and get Goob. She saw him talking to a couple friends and stayed off to the side until he noticed her. He smiled and waved goodbye to his friends. </p><p>"Syd, I've been reading all about turtles, did you know their lower shell is called plastron?"</p><p>"I did not, have homework today?" </p><p>"Just reading, I'm reading the magic tree house, very interesting book, I even got this cool bookmark that has a dinosaur on it for finishing my reading list." </p><p>She reached out and ruffled his hair. "Good on you Goob."</p><p>He was galaxies smarter than Syd. She could see him doing some cool job and getting paid well for it. Goob was just like that. He wanted to be a vet when he was younger but she didn't know anymore. Whatever he did, he was going to be the best at it. </p><p>She gave him a side hug. "We can do whatever you want when we get home, if you wanna smash the tv and drink all the chocolate milk I'll let you do it."</p><p>He laughed. "Can we make a fire, a small one, we have hot dogs, we can roast em."</p><p>So they gathered some sticks on the way home for their mini fire. When they got home they got to working on clearing some grass and making a small fire next to Banana's grave so he could join them in spirit. </p><p>"He didn't really like hot dogs, but he liked to be warm, he would've loved the fire."</p><p>"He would've loved it Bud."</p><p>The fire was a good idea, they sat on the ground and Syd told ghost stories from an old book she stole from her teacher in the fifth grade. As it got darker it was harder to keep the fire going but they stayed out anyway. </p><p>Stan came home and found his way to their fire. Goob was excited, he liked Stan, because apparently Stan was funny. Syd thought he was funny, only when she was high. </p><p>As they all sat down and roasted hot dogs Stan gave Syd a warning. </p><p>"Dina was looking for you, I managed to convince her you were sick and she should leave you alone, she kind of bought it, but be careful when you come to school tomorrow, she really wants to talk to you."</p><p>After it got too dark to even see Stan went home and Syd went inside to cook some real dinner. She made mac and cheese while Goob read some more magic treehouse, and told her about turtles. </p><p>They ate their dinner watching old full house reruns on tv, Syd put away some for her mom because she knew she liked macaroni. Goob had a bedtime but Syd let him stay up later whenever their mom had a late shift. He liked full house and the fresh prince, he was a kid with a refined taste. </p><p>Just as their mom pulled in Goob was getting in bed. Syd decided to stay on the couch to see what her mom thought of her cleaning, and because she wanted to finish this episode. </p><p>"Good job Sweetie, this old dump as ever smelled nicer."</p><p>"Thanks, we left you some macaroni, it's on the stove, I think I'm gonna head to bed already." </p><p>Before Syd could get to her room her mom called her over to the kitchen. </p><p>"Look, I know this isn't my place but I want you to try to make up with Dina, okay?" </p><p>Syd nodded. This was awkward. And unneeded. </p><p>"I just think she's good for you, she's been there for you when no one else has, whatever the argument was about you should sort it out, okay?" </p><p>Syd nodded. </p><p>"Okay, goodnight Sydney." </p><p>Syd thought of her what her mom said while she laid in bed. She thought of Dina's face after she kissed her. It made her stomach churn. </p><p>Syd was over the denial and the anger about her feelings towards Dina, or girls in general. Even then, she couldn't help but feel as if she betrayed her. Dina was always comfortable around her, and she felt like she'd broke that. She probably messed up their friendship. </p><p>Fuck.</p><p>She fell asleep uncomfortably in love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Syd decided to walk to school. She didn't tell Stan, or anybody really. She just wanted to be left alone to think. Think about what she would say to Dina. And to calm the fuck down. Whenever Syd wasn't calm, bad stuff tended to happen. </p><p>Because Syd had powers. </p><p>Nothing she could control. Dangerous powers out of her reach. The only one that knew was Stan, he followed her after she ran into the woods at Richard Berry's party and exploded on some trees. The reason behind her outbursts was Bradley Lewis, Dina's ex boyfriend. She walked in on Brad fucking local bad girl Jenny. She shoved him so hard he flew back and hit a wall. So she was mad, and took it out on some innocent trees and Stan saw. </p><p>She was kind of glad he saw, not at the time but now she was glad to have someone knowing what was going on with her.</p><p>She was learning how to control it, she didn't want to hurt anyway. She made Brad's nose bleed once, killed a hedgehog, and almost knocked Stan's head off. </p><p>That's why she's been smoking a lot recently, to keep calm. See, an incident happened at homecoming, after she told Dina what she saw her relationship with Bradley Lewis ended. Brad was pissed. He tried to back her into a corner at the dance but she had gone with Dina and Stan so they came in and saved her. </p><p>She was sort of glad but not really, Dina started a fight with Brad and he started to go in on Dina instead calling her every name in the book and going after. Syd was upset. She kept staring at him and just wanted him to drop dead. She imagined his head exploding, but she focused on his hand instead, she didn't want to actually make his head explode.</p><p>So his hand exploded instead. They called the cops but couldn't find out what had happened. Stan knew of course. He talked her down. Said it would be okay. But it wasn't. Brad left town handless and no one has seen him since. </p><p>She really didn't mean to do it. She didn't even know she could do that. Now she's just afraid, afraid to even think about anything. She didn't want to hurt anyone, especially after hearing what her dad had done. </p><p>Now she just needed to work on keeping her anger at bay. She needed to calm cool and collective. That was the last time she used her powers, it had been weeks and so far nothing. </p><p>She hoped nothing would happen when Dina finally got a hold of her. </p><p> </p><p>Strangely, Dina's didn't talk to Syd all day, or try to seek her out. She saw her plenty of times in the hallways and in class, but she didn't even look her way. It hurt. Really stab her in the gut. </p><p>Stan was going to drive her home today. They talked at lunch, about Dina and some techniques to help Syd just calm the fuck down. He had become a mentor of some sort. A really bad mentor, but he tried and it's all she could ask for. </p><p>After school when she and Stan were heading to his car Dina came up to her. She was slightly terrified, but sort of relieved. She wasn't completely ignoring her. </p><p>"Come on, I'm gonna walk you home."</p><p>"Actually I'm taking a ride with Stan, maybe-" </p><p>"No I'm walking you home." Dina grabbed her hand and pulled her away. </p><p>Stand gave her a smile and a thumbs up, hopped in his car and sped his potheaded ass down the street. </p><p>For a while they walked in silence, something neither of them were used to. They were always laughing and joking and generally just being the worst people in the world together. This was different. She hated it. </p><p>"I'm sorry." She said, trying to start a conversation. </p><p>"You don't have to be sorry Syd, I just, I want to know why you did it."</p><p>Syd actually thought of what to tell her. She was going to lie, she could never tell Dina her true feelings. She didn't want to ruin the one of the best things she had in her life, she was going to tell the truth, just a version of the truth. </p><p>"The reason I did it is because I'm a lesbian."</p><p>Dina stopped in her tracks and looked at her. "Oh my God."</p><p>"Yeah and I wanted to be sure, I didn't feel anything with Stan, not even when we had sex, so I thought maybe kissing you would help, and it did."</p><p>Dina grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. Syd buried herself into her shoulder. This was nice. Syd liked hugs, funnily enough, because hugs could come from anyone and it was a good way to show someone you care. </p><p>Dina pulled away and looked her in the eye. "Syd you could've just asked, if you asked me to bone you I would've pounced on you right then and there."</p><p>Syd laughed. "Oh my gosh no."</p><p>"Literally, I'm your best friend, you could tell me anything or ask for anything and I'd be right there Syd."</p><p>Syd smiled and walked for a while, just joking and laughing. Dina said she missed her, even if she had only gone one day without talking to her. Syd was just relieved, she didn't ruin their friendship and she told Dina something she was afraid to tell anyone in her life. She was a lesbian. Gosh. </p><p>"Just, out of curiosity, does Stan know?" </p><p>Syd nodded. "Yeah why."</p><p>Dina shrugged. "No reason."</p><p>Dina was a little off after that. It seemed like she was upset, just a little. Why though. Why, why, why, she was acting distant and she looked small. Her change of voices and curiosity of Stan. Could she be jealous? </p><p>"Dina, don't tell me you're jealous."</p><p>Dina shrugged. "I guess it bothers me a little, we've been friends for years and you barely even started talking to him a few months ago and it's already like he's replaced me." </p><p>"Him and I are more alike than I'd like to admit, I feel less weird around him."</p><p>It's true. With Dina, Syd always looked at her like a goddess, someone that was too far for her to reach but just enough for her to catch up with. Stan was just Stan, he was a friend, and they were always on the same level. Syd never felt weird or crazy because they were both like that. Just a little off. Stan made her feel like she belonged. They were equals. </p><p>"Okay, just promise me I'm always number one?" </p><p>Syd smiled and grabbed her hand. "You'll always be number one."</p><p>"Cool, we should go to my house instead and watch a horror movie, come on, I'll let you pick."</p><p>And Syd would follow Dina anywhere so of course she went. </p><p>Syd decided to watch a nightmare on elm street. She and Dina agreed that old horror movies were better than horror movies now, not because they were bad cause they weren't, they were just too real and disturbing. A nightmare in elm street could never happen, it was fun to watch, even if Dina didn't really like the dream sequences. </p><p>So they were cuddled up on Dina's bed, Syd was laying against her headboard in a more seated position while Dina was in between her legs using Syd as a pillow. </p><p>She felt like imploding. Non power resulted though, just because Dina was so adorable. Syd thinks herself lucky, imagine being able to just see and be around Dina everyday. Magical. </p><p>Dina kept getting lower until eventually her head was basically just laying on Syd's crotch. Syd didn't mind, this was a normal occurrence, she was more focused on the movie. </p><p>Until another dream sequence came on. </p><p>Dina turned her head and buried her face right between Syd's thighs. </p><p>This was a new sensation, one that felt good. Syd tried not to focus on that, she moved around a bit hoping that Dina would get the idea and remove her head but she just wiggled right along her movements. </p><p>This was bad. She needed to get out of this situation, something was rising. This wasn't good, not at all. </p><p>She tried to calm down and focus on the movie, but the more she just stared at the screen the more she was aware of the pressure in between her legs. </p><p>Dina eventually moved, which was good, this time she moved herself up more so she was practically sitting on Syd's lap. She wiggled and wiggled and wiggled cause Dina never stops moving and Syd was trying so, so hard to ignore what she was feeling and focus on the tv. It didn't work. </p><p>Because the tv fucking exploded. </p><p>Little shards of glass from her tiny box tv scattered across the room and pieces of plastic fell apart disassembling her tv. </p><p>Fuck</p><p>"Dina I'm sorry." </p><p>Dina looked at the tv in confusion. "What the hell was that, how did it just break like that?" </p><p>"I…I don't know, I'm sorry Dina I have to go I'll see you at school tomorrow okay?" </p><p>Dina waved her off. "Wha- Syd are you okay?"</p><p>"I'm just fine I just remembered I needed to help Liam with a project, um bye Dina."</p><p>Syd laughed nervously and booked it out of the house. </p><p>As she walked home she tried to calm down and not cry. Which was hard. She just wanted to melt to the floor. </p><p>She had a lot to write in her diary. And to tell Stan.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Syd decided to go to Stan's house. She was freaking the fuck out. After leaving Dina's house it fully set in, not what she had done, but how it had happened. It's only ever came out in fits of anger, and she was just getting okay with that. This meant that it could come out randomly. She didn't even feel it building up, so she couldn't get herself out of the situation. It just happened. </p><p>She went down the hill to Stan's and banged on his basement door. </p><p>"Stan! Hey Stan, I uh, I need your help!" </p><p>Stan opened the door. He was shirtless with a joint in his hand. Great. She moved passed in and plopped on his couch. </p><p>He chased after her. "Hey hey, what's wrong what happened, did stuff not go well with Dina?" </p><p>Syd pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her arms. She shook her head. She was trying to remain calm. She needed to stay calm. </p><p>Stan sat next to her, he tapped her on the shoulder and when she looked up he offered her the joint. She took it. </p><p>After calming down Stan tried to get her to explain what happened. But it was embarrassing. </p><p>"It could've been that bad, what made you mad?" </p><p>"Nothing, that's the thing, I wasn't mad, or upset, it was…it was something else."</p><p>Syan nodded slowly. "Okay okay, so you're freaking out cause it happened differently this time?" </p><p>She nodded. </p><p>"What happened?" </p><p>"I, we, we were laying on her bed watching a movie, and I don't know she was…rubbing and I was just sitting there-" </p><p>"Rubbing? Rubbing what I don't-" </p><p>His facial expression changed from confused to having a giant shit eating grin on his face. </p><p>"Oh my God you got turned on." </p><p>"Shut up!" </p><p>She kicked him off the couch. So now he was just laying on the floor laughing while Syd freaked out on the couch. </p><p>Great. </p><p>Once he saw her face he stopped laughing and got back on the couch with her. </p><p>"Well what's problem, you're not gonna be aroused often unless you're some kind of nymphomaniac."</p><p>She shook her head and curled up in a ball again. She shoved her head between her legs. Tears fell down her face. </p><p>"I'm sorry, what's wrong Syd?" He got closer, she could feel his presence and it made her feel a little more calm. She looked up at him. </p><p>"What if it wasn't the tv Stan? What if…what if I hurt Dina?" </p><p>"Oh, oh Syd wait don't cry."</p><p>Syd didn't cry often. If she ever felt anything it was angry, if she was crying it was hot and mad. She just felt like shit, pure shit. </p><p>Stan moved closer and put his arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head on his shoulder. Stan made her feel safe. She was afraid to hurt him too, she also knocked his head off once at his place of work. She damaged the wall, it was insane.</p><p>"Look, hey, this won't happen often right? Like, you don't get mad at her so much and getting turned on isn't so easy for girls right? Don't worry okay, just focus on controlling it."</p><p>"I can't Stan, I can't, nothing I do helps, I can't stop it, I can't even start it, I can't control it, I'm a weapon Stan." </p><p>"No you're not, you're a superhero."</p><p>She scoffed. "Superheroes don't explode people's hands."</p><p>"Hey that guy was an asshole, he deserved to get his head blown off." </p><p>Syd laughed. "Wow, Stanley Barber everyone, always knows just what to say." </p><p>He smiled. "You know it."</p><p>Syd went home feeling a little less sad, a little more high, and just a little more happy. </p><p> </p><p>The next day at school Syd sat next to Dina at lunch and listened to her talk about how insane it was that her television exploded. </p><p>Luckily, Stan was there to save the day. </p><p>He sat himself down at their table and said, "Let's do something illegal."</p><p>Dina seemed really into it. Her eyes lit up and she sat more up in her seat to get closer to Stan and Syd from across the table.</p><p>"Oh my God really, what?" </p><p>"Breaking in and possibly theft."</p><p>Syd laughed. </p><p>"I'm serious, my cousin is the rudest bastard on the planet, he didn't deserve my family discounts, let's rob him."</p><p>Dina nodded. "When."</p><p>Stan smiled. "We could go right now?" </p><p>"Blow off school?" Syd asked. </p><p>He nodded. </p><p>Dina nodded. </p><p>They looked at Syd and waited for her to nod. </p><p>She looked at Dina and nodded. Because if Dina told her to jump off a bridge and commit third degree murder you bet your sweet ass she would. </p><p> </p><p>So they piled into Stan's car and were off. Dina sat in the back so she could be with Syd. She sat close to Syd. Super close. She could probably die right now in a tragic car accident and she'd be okay with it. </p><p>"Okay so, the plan is to just walk through the backdoor, he leaves it unlocked."</p><p>"So, what are we gonna take?" Dina asked. </p><p>"Food, and maybe his super cool bong that glows in the dark but mostly food."</p><p>Syd liked to watch Dina be happy. She was excited because they were robbing someone's house so Syd should probably take her to rob twelve other houses. It seems like the right thing to do. </p><p>Once they were at his house they all got out and creeped towards the backdoor. Stan was right it was opened. So they silently crept in, right into the kitchen. They could see the tv was on and that Stan's cousin was passed out on the couch with a green bong in his hand. </p><p>Stan tiptoed towards his cousin but not without giving the girls a thumbs up first. So they gave one back and began to go through his fridge. </p><p>Ultimately they found nothing but a six pack of beer, which they decided to take, and some take out boxes with bad chinese food in them. Syd found a plate at the back of the fridge with tin foil on it so she decided to open it. </p><p>She called Stan over, who had the bong in hand and showed her what she found. Brownies. Not just any brownies, they were edibles. </p><p>"We are definitely taking these, we're going to my house, I'm ordering pizza, we are going to eat these edibles and drink my cousins beer until we're all flipping knocked."</p><p>Syd liked the sound of that. Dina looked excited, she never really did anything out of line, so it must've been a rush for her when she did.</p><p>So they got into Stan's car and zoomed to his house. </p><p>"How much of these can we eat, I've never had edibles before." Dina asked. </p><p>*Yeah, " Syd said. "What if I die?" </p><p>"Haha, very funny, maybe only a quarter of it? First time I had them I ate a full one and I blacked out on my cousins couch, I peed myself."</p><p>The girls laughed. Syd felt good, she felt alive. Maybe things would get better. She hoped. All she wanted to do was hangout with Dina and Stan, and for all this weird shit with her powers to stop happening.</p><p>A girl could dream. </p><p> </p><p>They were in Stan's room eating pizza and drinking his cousins beer before they knew it. Syd finally decided to have a knock at the edibles, her and Dina decided to split one. </p><p>It felt fine, they were all laughing and Dina was talking about how cool Stan's room was. </p><p>"Oh my God we should totally watch Jaws."</p><p>So they watched Jaws on Stan's crappy, old eighties tv. The quality was terrible. But she felt heavy, and kind of tired but good. </p><p>Dina giggled. "We should play spin the bottle." </p><p>"With three people?" </p><p>She giggled again. "Yeah, or we could all just kiss each other."</p><p>Syd laughed. "Gross, I don't want to kiss Stan."</p><p>"So what if you just kiss me instead?" </p><p>Dina was leaning against her, looking up with her pretty brown, milky eyes. Syd's face turned pink. </p><p>She laughed and shoved Dina's face away. "Yeah right, go kiss Stan or something." </p><p>For a minute Dina made a face, like, one of sadness, or shock maybe. Syd couldn't tell but it was gone before she could look again. </p><p>Stan got their attention. "Or, we could turn off all the lights, and try my cool new bong."</p><p>Syd laughed, because when she was high anything Stan did was funny. "Stan, you're a fucking mastermind."</p><p>They couldn't really see, but it did glow and it was cool. Dina made a noise when the lights turned off and they could see the glow of the bong and they laughed at the noise for a solid five minutes. </p><p>They took turns, trying their best to grab the bong and pass it around without dropping it, but eventually it hit the ground and the water spilled everywhere. </p><p>"Oh my God, it's wet, guys we should totally take a bath together it would be absolutely hilarious." </p><p>Syd laughed and leaned against Dina. She said the weirdest shit when she was high. </p><p>The lights came back on and for a while they just sat there talking about random crap. </p><p>"Dina, Dina, I have to tell you my deepest, darkest secret."</p><p>Dins looked at Syd. "Okay."</p><p>"The only person that knows is Stan, you cannot tell anyone else, understand?" </p><p>She nodded. "You can tell me anything, Syd."</p><p>She looked her in the eyes and said, "I have pimples on my thighs." </p><p>Dina gasped, then laughed. "Syd, Syd, that's so damn weird cause I have pimples on my thighs, but like, on the inside."</p><p>Stan piped in. "Next to your vagina?" </p><p>Syd hit him with a pillow. "Shut up, ass acne."</p><p>"You said you weren't gonna tell anyone!"</p><p>They all laughed. Syd felt good, she was drunk and high and with some of her favorite people in the world. Dina knew she had pimples on her thighs and it was her second biggest secret.</p><p>They sat down on his couch and watched Jaws Two. Stan had all four of the Jaws movies. It was insane. </p><p>Syd fell asleep in Dina's lap as Stan said something stupid about jellyfish, and honestly, she kind of hoped it stay like this forever.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. five</h2></a>
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    <p>Of course nothing stays forever. Actually, stuff got worse. Way worse. </p><p>Syd stumbled into her house laughing a little, she had just seen Stan off after they dropped Dina at home. It was late, but not too late, maybe ten, she honestly didn't know why she didn't expect her mom to be home. She was really surprised when her mom looked up from the couch at Syd. </p><p>"Syd? What are you coming home so late, where were you all day?" </p><p>By this point her mom had got off the couch and came towards her. Syd tried to swiftly move upstairs but her mom quickly came over to scope her out and possibly tell her off. </p><p>"I needed you today, I forgot to tell you Liam was coming home after school today."</p><p>"Sorry, I'll ask next time, I'm really tired, goodnight."</p><p>Her mom grabbed her by the arm before she could walk away and got close to her face. Real close. Syd had to stop everything from laughing. Her mom sniffled a little bit, before backing away from her and looking at her daughter with a stern face. </p><p>"Are you high?" </p><p>Syd giggled a little bit. "No." </p><p>Her mom's eyes turned to slits. "Sydney Novak, what the hell is wrong with you?" </p><p>She rolled her eyes. "It's not that big of a deal, can I just go to bed?" </p><p>"No, I give you my trust, I let you go hang out with whoever and go wherever and this is what you choose to do."</p><p>Syd was getting angry. "You don't let me do anything, you're just never here, don't try to be my parent now! You didn't even check how I was feeling when dad died, or when the counselor called me into her office, or ask about why I felt like you, and Dina, and Goob don't love me as much as I love all of you!"</p><p>Syd moved past her mom, who tried to grab her and pull her back but she was already stomping upstairs to her room. She felt like she was going to explode. This was bad this was bad this was bad. </p><p>She just needed to calm down, she tried to close her eyes and calm down. It didn't work. After it didn't work she proceeded to kick her desk chair so hard it hit the wall and broke. Great. </p><p>She decided she had enough so she changed out of her clothes into pajamas and slept the night away. In her bed she felt safe and warm, like nothing could get her there. </p><p> </p><p>The next day at school Stan seemed off. In the car in the morning he didn't talk at all, he just played Bloodwitch and sang really loud. Syd didn't think anything of it because Stan is weird and sometimes he does weird stuff. </p><p>But after the ride he sort of just got out of the car and left Syd in the dust. He usually walks with her to her locker and to class. She just stayed there staring at him as he walked away. Syd wished so desperately for something to not be wrong, she wasn't good with those kinds of things. She never had to deal with Stan being sad, or at least when she didn't break his heart or some shit. </p><p>Stan wasn't in any of their classes either. During gym her and Dina scanned the parking lot for his car, nothing was there. His car was gone. </p><p>At lunch they sat there and discussed their heartbroken friend. </p><p>"What do you think happened?" Dina asked. </p><p>Syd shrugged. "I don't know, probably something with his dad, he's an asshole."</p><p>Dina hummed. "Should we check on him after school?" </p><p>Syd shook her head. "No, he's probably not at home, maybe at work or somewhere else, I'll talk to him later maybe, I'm sure he's fine, just probably upset."</p><p>Dina nodded, and threw her a smile. "Want to do something after school then? We can get some snacks and go to the park." </p><p>Syd smiled. That sounded epic. She was worried about Stan but figured it was just something with his dad, maybe he wanted to be left alone, when she was angry she wanted to be left alone. </p><p>"Sure, let's get some hot chips and fuck shit up." </p><p>So they went to the park after school shortly after getting some chips and soda. Dina was talking about the autumn fair their town was putting on next week. </p><p>"We're gonna go right, I know you think everything is lame lately, but I think it'll be fun." Dina smiled at her. </p><p>"Okay sure, race you to the swing!" </p><p>Dina won because Syd has really short legs, even though she doesn't care she knocks her legs against Dina's and says she'll win next time. </p><p>Dina smiled and took a deep breath. "Can you believe we're almost out of that place?" </p><p>Syd shrugged. "I guess, seems like it's been longer than four years, I wouldn't mind if the school imploded right now.".</p><p>Dina laughed. "Yeah I guess, what do you wanna do after graduation?"</p><p>Syd shrugged. "I'm definitely not getting into a college, I'll probably get a job and live with my mom until I have enough money to live on my own, what about you?" </p><p>Dina hummed. "I want to study nursing, I've applied for two colleges already, I'm hoping to get into nyu."</p><p>Syd nodded. It would be weird without Dina next year, at least she had Stan, he isn't going to college either, no money, and his brain doesn't function very well, its okay though, neither does hers.</p><p>"Don't worry I'll still come to visit you, you'll always be my best friend Syd, no matter what." </p><p>Syd smiled. "Believe me I know, you'd never become best friends with a New York scumbag."</p><p>Dina laughed. Syd liked making her laugh, even though she wasn't very funny. Dina thought she was, which was strange, but maybe she loves her too much to admit all her jokes are mean and unfunny. </p><p>"Okay I wanna eat hot cheetos, let's go chill in the play area.".</p><p>They went into the middle of the play equipment where two of the slides and monkey bars met, they had bought some tea too. Dina liked mango, Syd liked watermelon. </p><p>"How do you think they get the mango flavor, can you juice a mango?" Dina asked. </p><p>Syd shrugged. "Maybe."</p><p>They ate their cheetos in silence for a while before Dina spoke again. </p><p>"Syd, do you like Stan more than me?" </p><p>Syd laughed. "What no, why would you even ask me that."</p><p>Dina shrugged. "I dunno, I thought you were hanging out with him because you liked him, but now that I know you're a lesbian, I don't know it makes me feel like you like him more, you told him before me, you smoked with him, you had sex with him-" </p><p>Syd laughed. "Dina I did all that because you had Brad, I felt like I needed a boy to, so we would have more in common."</p><p>Dina frowned. She looked done at her hands, which was holding a cheeto before she put it in her mouth and sadly chewed. Syd was going to ask her what was wrong before Dina got closer and pulled her into a hug. </p><p>"I'm sorry I left you for that piece of shit, and that I made you feel like you needed someone, the truth is all I need is you Syd, that's how I've always felt, and seeing you do fine without me and finding a friend you enjoy being with just much as you enjoy being with me makes me feel…something I don't know, maybe jealous."</p><p>Syd froze up for a while, she felt like crying, then she wrapped her arms around Dina. </p><p>"Dina I don't care if Stanley Barber falls off a bridge, as long as I have you here it's all I need." </p><p>Dina laughed, pulling away from the hug, she has snot on her nose, maybe from her teary eyes or from the cheetos. Syd laughed and used her sleeve to wipe it away. </p><p>"I'm gross." Dina said. </p><p>Syd shrugged. "At least you're cute."</p><p>They spent the rest of their time finishing their tea and the bag of cheetos, Dina talked about the festival and prom, even though prom was months away. Dina was the type of girl to plan her wedding at age five. Syd didn't mind, she was adorable. </p><p>Afterwards Syd walked Dina home, they were coming up with a plan to get Goob a turtle for him birthday, which was about a month away. When they got to her house  Dina thanked her for walking her home. </p><p>"Well I'm a gentleman, it's the right thing to do."</p><p>Dina laughed, she leaned in for what Syd thought was going to be a hug but instead she kissed her on the cheek.</p><p>"See you tomorrow Syd." She waved at her before going inside. </p><p>Syd walked home peppy as fuck, to her, everything was right with the world.</p>
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